You might be an aspie if. . . . .

I know these are old news but I find them so funny.

From this website: http://www.geocities.com/autistry/YMBAAI.html

"Do you know Jeff Foxworthy's running gag, "You might be a redneck if..."
Let's see,"

* ...you find yourself using phrases that you are pretty sure are playing directly from audio tape in your head.

...when someone says, "Now take a minute and picture -in your head- something or other", you wonder why it would be necessary to suggest it, because you always have pictures in your head.

...you want to sky-dive or bungee jump, but you wouldn't do it if you had to drive through traffic to get there.

...you automatically mirror other people's voices and even their whole persona, so that you are not sure who you would be today if you had had different people around you.

...you have passed many a happy minute watching a fan spin.

...on the one hand you think you are the most interesting person you know, but not too many other people are trying to get to know you.

...your boss says, "Do such and such", and you can't do it until you know "why", because you are not going to waste your time on doing something that doesn't make sense.

...you get extremely disappointed in yourself if you don't know something when you need to know it because you really *SHOULD* know that.

..you choose the grocery aisle that you go down based on whether or not there are any other people in that aisle.

...you will go many extra steps and take lots of extra time to figure out the answer to something rather than taking 30 seconds to ask someone. (10 extra points if your heart pounds if you finally do decide to ask an actual person, 25 extra points if you can hear your heart pounding)

...one of your instinctive reactions is, "I didn't do anything wrong!".

...you know exactly who Temple Grandin is (and Donna Williams and Tony Attwood and Michelle Dawson)

..the word "Hallmark" makes you think "When you care enough to send the very best", and you can remember tons of those kinds of "ad" lines and you use them in everyday speech.

...you are middle aged and going to college and petrified by the question "what is your major" because you don't know if it should be, English, Russian, Art, Art History, Psychology or whatever your next interest will be, OR if you should pursue your own personalized major program in Eremitic Studies or Anti-Social Science

..if you ever stayed with a hobby so long and with such intensity that you hurt yourself. (can you say "carpal tunnel syndrome"?)

..if the word "logic" goes right to your heart but the word "love" usually bounces off of it.

...if you been driving a car with someone in the passenger seat who's voice was too quiet and you reached for the volume control on the radio to turn up the the sound of their voice. (OK, that's just strange....but true)

...if you talk back to the people on the TV and radio and call them idiots or say sarcastic things to commercials.

...if it takes you 3 times as long to decide if it's safe drive through an intersection as it does a normal person.


...if you are a 43 year old woman and you just can't make hair-spray work for you.

...if you wanted to minimize the psychic damage done to oneself by contact with other humans and try to plan a walking route that involves the least amount of human contact, which, on a map, looks rather chaotic, especially if one notes where you pause behind a bush or building corner, waiting for someone to pass on the sidewalk.

--one of your favorite hobbies is "autie spotting".

- You don't know if you should be grateful or aggravated that the receptionist at the mental health department of the student health services clinic at the university you are going to attend had never heard of Asperger's syndrome. (the university classifies AS as a mental health disorder, rather than a learning disability, they don't have an appropriate category like "neurodevelopmental disabilities", yet)

You get irritated when people come up to talk to you when you are doing something important like; staring at a wall, trying to find a space in your mind that is not overwhelmed by noise and imposing people with their desire to converse.

...your teacher commands every one in the room to pair-off to discuss a topic and you are extremely relieved that no one wants to be your partner.

..you tell people you have a "neurodevelopmental disorder" and you kind of hope that they don't ask what that means.

..you think "Cure Autism Now" ought to be called "Eliminate Autistics Now" and it makes you mad.

You find it extraordinarily annoying to hear someone say the same thing multiple times, but you do that same thing yourself, that is, say things multiple times. Did I tell you that I hate hearing other people say things multiple times, but that I do the very same thing? Multiple times?

…you're late for a meeting (aaarrrrgh!) because you intended to go the grocery store afterward, but misplaced the shopping list and spent five minutes handflapping while trying to remember where you put it.

…you've given up reading the newspaper (magazine) because you know you can never get through to all the articles you want to read, and you'd rather not collect back issues till you run out of space to put them.

…you not only line things up, you always line them up in a symmetrical arrangement.

You're friends with the church secretary, but can't recognize her when you run into her in the store.

- you write down things on a forum and mean them totally honest and serious, and the recipient cracks up laughing badly and telling you you are funny.

- if you are told you are funny (without having intended) you ruminate about it for weeks, replay your writings in your head and try to find the parts, you might find funny, is you would not know they were not meant funny.

...you insist on your view on fairness even when anyone else thinks you have gone mad.

...your get told not to step on someone's toes at work so you start looking at the floor while you walk because you took it literally.

...you keep bumping into people but the only time you actually remember to apologize is when you bump into a tree.

...you forget to eat or drink for a few days because you are working on an interesting project.

...someone wants to get past you and says "excuse me" and you reply "sure" without moving a bit.

..you get told the juice is out when you are about to go shopping, but you don't buy new one because you did not explicitly get told to.

...you constantly forget taking the trash out even if you walk past it all the time because it isn't on your mental agenda of things to do.

..if you spend hours trying to figure out how someone could find a meaning in your words that was not there.

...if you do your walks and exercises at night because it is quiet then and hardly anyone else around.

...you sit around trying to decide what to work on today, and by the time you are done deciding the day is over.

...you follow rules to the letter - but only if they make sense to you.

Someone asks you how you are and you give an honest answer about what a rotten day you had and go on for 5 minutes about it. Then they get insulted or bored and you get confused 'cause after all, they DID ask.

you've lived all your life stateside yet prefer Recieved Standard spellings [UK] over General American ones. [e.g., "colour" over "color"]

You play 'Name That Bruise!' in the bath, because you have no idea where you got them.

You gave up on ever convincing people that you are not odd ages ago. You now just live your life and to hell with anyone who thinks it strange.

It took you, your parents, a friend, and 4 movers 3 days to move all your stuff, and you were only moving out of a 2 bedroom apartment!

You're the only person around who will decline an invite to a big party to stay at home to watch 'Daily Planet' (science news show on Discovery channel).

if "that`s just the way it is ..." does not compute...