regarding Asperger/Nuerotypical relationships:

I'm just going to post a few since there are so many. Here is the link if anyone is interested: http://www.angelfire.com/journal/shwankie2/ASquotes.html

From the point of view of the Nuerotypical (Person without Aspergers) spouse:

* Day-to-day life has gotten smoother since I've stopped defining his reactions to sensory overload (noise, confusion, crowds, emotional discussions) as personal rejection, and since he's realized that his experience of the world is not the same as mine - that it is helpful if he can stop and explain to me what he IS reacting to, and how I can help rather than just shutting me out. He is learning that sometimes I need to hear the words and be brought the flowers, and feel the small touches of closeness and appreciation. I am learning that, emotions are there, even if deeply buried, and difficult to access and to understand." - in reply to an AS husband.

*"My dh's meltdowns can take any number of forms; chewing out the kids, arguing with no sense to it, or going and zombie-ing out in the hammock or in front of the TV. I guess it is maybe good that some of his meltdowns are also his coping strategies...He can just shut down...or he can dig in his heels and fight something or someone long past its usefulness..." This sounds alot like my ex too. Not daily, but maybe monthly. He would totally VEG in front of the TV for HOURS on a daily basis. But about once a month he would just EXPLODE and pick something to just babble and yell about that made no sense. It didn't matter how many facts I had to show that it was not the way he was portraying it, he just kept twisting every lil detail to just argue. And then bam, after he was done, it was literally like he forgot it all ever happened." --C

From the view point of the spouse with Aspergers:

* "First off, Helen, I have AS, and I DO have feelings and emotions...
I do not intentionaly Ignore my wife & kids; and as far as acting different in public-- AS folk's tend to mimic others as we notice their behaviors, and believe this is the way we should act, even though it may feel awkward.

We try to be what others want us to be, and truely do not understand at times our behavior is inapropriate (until it is to late and pointed out).

Living with us must be very frustrating!! I wont deny that Fact!
But please realize this: we live in a world which we find hard to understand. People have teased and harassed us as children because of our differences and lack of social skills. We struggle day after day knowing we are different but are unable to change. Yes we can learn how to mimic people! But we can never be totaly succesful with this, as it is very uncomfortable even painfully frustating, filled with high anxiety, stress and and chronic depression." -Dg

* "Also, my feelings (and probably his, too) are much more intense due to this since we hardly are able to live them out. I don't know if you ever watched Star Trek. The Vulcans there supress their emotions because would they not, they would become violent, impredictable, selfish and unable to progress in their developement. I've always identified with this. In fact, ST has educated me in how to keep my intense and sometimes violent emotions in check.

People told me to "open up" more and show I have emotions. I did and was hated, shunned and feared for it and lost my friends. So I decided that it's best to act the part of the Vulcan again in most situations. If I show emotions in public other than with my family or partner (which I really had a hard time learning) then it is mostly fake, displaying what I assume would be the appropriate reaction. I make less and less mistakes in this, so I usually don't get looked at as a freak anymore." -L.W.