In a fog

I'm really having a hard time lately. I just feel so confused and even less able to read people as usual. (Which would be not at all?)

I'm forcing myself to be in more social situations but, as usual, am just faking it. I think it is obvious because people just stop talking to me after a little while.
I'm sure that the stress is making it a lot more difficult for me to act normal. (and it is just acting unfortunately) I do this so that I don't seem too strange to other people.
(I don't know how to explain this so forgive me as my ability to make myself clear through writing seems to be suffering as well)

I am "fighting" a lot more (and find it impossible) to make any sort of eye contact, at all, lately when I am speaking to someone. I even close my eyes sometimes when I talk (That is if I don't start to stammer and am able to speak clearly in the first place)in order to make my point. Quite frequently I will pause mid sentence and forget what I am talking about. It won't be until later that I realize that I was talking to someone and just stopped all of a sudden. I must appear crazy and strange to many people and I really hate that about myself.

I know that the stress I have been experiencing the past few years makes every aspect of life very difficult (it would for anybody!) and I seem to only be able to concentrate on one aspect of my life at a time.

The thought of being evaluated for NVLD and aspergers syndrome has constantly been coming back into my mind. I really don't know if I should bother. Perhaps it would be best just to see a therapist?

Then the following thought pattern emerges as I think of the previous: "Well, if I see a therapist, maybe my children should too but I know that I can't afford for everyone to go to therapy and I have to put my children first, etc. . ." So, as you can see, being evaluated is the last thing that I need to be doing right now.

Well, right now my children are beckoning for my attention so I will go tend to them as a mommy should. Only time will tell me what I really should be doing and I do need to be patient until I am able to step outside of myself and see things in a different light.

Only then will I have a few more answers.