The windmills of my mind

My mind is constantly going forward at an accelerated pace.

Sometimes I fear that I may lose some ultra creative thought that I will never be able to regain again unless I write it down on a piece of paper.
Some sort of epiphany that will only make me more aware if I can re-read at a later date in my future thus figuring out my life and it's entire meaning? ha ha

I will pace back and forth throughout my apartment or I may just lay there for hours (perhaps if subjected to a bout of depression. Another wonderful curse of mine) with my head racing and my fantasies replacing this reality that I am not wishing to be part of right now.

The funny thing is that there never seems to be anything to relax me.

Yes, I'm going through some momentous stress, currently, but I am always like this and having a few drinks, in order to relax, only makes me worse! I still get told that I "think too much" (and that I need to relax).

I fidget constantly day and night and I can not hold still no matter how hard I try. (and if I attempt to do so I even twitch!)
I can only imagine how I must appear to other people because of these Idiosyncrasies.

The funny thing is that it appears to be getting worse as I get older but domestic pressure and lack of job security sure seem to make it about one-thousand times worse as of lately. The only thing that calms me (sometimes) is my medication and (usually) running and weight lifting but I have to change my routine constantly so that I don't hit that "plateau" that so many athletes experience when they need to increase the intensity in order to get the same results. (or keep from getting bored which is another problem of mine)

What I wouldn't give for a calm mind and a big deep breath to release all this pent up energy and anxiety. What I wouldn't give to be able to narrow down my thoughts to only a few at a time instead of being constantly bombarded by them all at once. Perhaps then I could accomplish something brilliant?

I fear I am doomed to never be still but it is quite funny (In a cruel way) that I happen appear that way to other people. Calm. "too calm" as I am told. I appear to be a bit phlegmatic when I am actually quite the opposite. Perhaps if I was able to express myself in the way that I wish I would not feel as if I was about to burst from the inside-out.

Enough of this for now. I need some rest. I have a mid-term to take tomorrow and my mind has been racing to quickly which has been keeping me from studying sufficiently. Perhaps a little sleep is in order instead.