My thoughts on the leap year

well, I might as well admit that I have been feeling so down lately that I am barely functioning. The bad things about feeling this way is that all the memories from the last times I have felt this way, including from when I was a child, come flooding back so vividly, only to pull me down further into this hole.
I don't know how much more of this I can take. I don't want to leave my bed in the morning. I don't want to go home. My grades are failing. I'm just not good at this life thing right now.

I know I will get out of this. The mind has a way of pulling you out when you least expect it. I have no control over it.
I won't even mention the things I was thinking about in this state of mind.

At least this morning did go OK. I went to the library and was able to get some studying done. (Despite the fact two librarians were talking about their hair for well over 20 minutes. huh? What a stimulating conversation. [sarcasm])

My husband told me last night that the only thing keeping him to me is the girls. (this was during one of my meltdowns which enabled from being able to speak very well. Not one of my strong suits anyways. [speaking about my feelings that is] Perhaps he felt that was the reason to disregard the fact that I do have feelings and he has no right to dictate what they are.)

(Of course, I am going to admit (regarding my husband) that that is how I have felt for a very long time. I just can't stand to be around him most of the time. It has gradually been getting worse over the past few years and some days I can not even stand for him to touch me.)

But what do I do when sometimes I feel I need him so much just to help me complete every day tasks. I can't even do that without screwing something up. I seriously suck at this domestic, mother thing. (Yes, I love my children so please don't go there) and then I go to work (when I am working) and I fuck up everything there as well.

Well, I'm not entirely coherent right now. Obviously. I just needed to get that out because my husband says that "I don't have time for this depression bullshit". So there you go.

There have also been some other feelings of mine that have been surfacing lately. I was so happy to finally figure a few more things out. (I'm still a little confused but I was happy) Well, then, of course, what happens when I am happy? (which is rare) I crash. HARD.